My Experience with Salt Company
In this essay, I talk about getting more deeply involved with Jesus through Salt Company, a local college ministry.
Even as a girl who has her own distinct opinions and beliefs regarding religion in general (primarily Christianity), going to Salt Company [@saltstpaul on Instagram] on February 9th changed my heart. I was feeling really tired and I didn’t want to stay up late, but I had a feeling I should go. A feeling.
The pastor at Salt, Toni, ended up talking about how life is a struggle, suffering is inevitable, and our lives should be directed towards Jesus—instead of ourselves. Directing our lives towards ourselves seems counterintuitive—but doing so may often lead to a less fulfilling life that causes us to become further from God, or even become a version of ourselves that is not pleasant. I loved the way that Toni delivered this message to us, and it made me feel so seen and heard by God with what I have been going through in my life for the past few months. With all of that being said, I am so thankful to continue my journey through life exploring and understanding my faith with people who have the same goals in mind.
There is a quote I once read a few weeks ago that said something along the lines of, “God, if this is not from You—take this away.” At the time, I was not listening. Without getting into specifics, I was hurt. I was so deeply hurt and feeling broken, asking God over and over again the questions… “why would You allow me to have a few moments of intense joy…. only to take it away before I could truly have it? How could You allow me to feel hurt for so many weeks… always wondering why?” My heart was deceitful. Somewhere in that time, God saw that my plans were going to wreck me. They really, truly were. But now I am listening, and I now know that He has something greater planned for me, even if I can not see it now. God has thus allowed those negative experiences in my life to shape me and teach me what life is all about. Since those times, my heart has led me astray, and I have found myself walking down a path of insecurity and fear instead of a path of love. Even though I will continue to make mistakes, I can consciously make better ones and direct my eyes to the man that Jesus was. I feel that is a much more meaningful way for me to live my life.
Moreover, I would like to make some of my views on religion a little more defined. As someone who generally defines herself as an agnostic Christian—which means that I believe in God (Christian) but I do not claim to know He exists (agnostic)—my main focus at this time is to turn my eyes to Jesus. My philosophical and theological views still stand, but in other words, I choose the love of Jesus over religion. There are a lot of aspects of mainstream Christianity that do not sit right with me, even in the nondenominational context. For instance, I lead my life with love, and I thus do not believe homosexuality is a sin. You can love the people you love; there are multitudes of psychological research to back this up. Written by Douglas C. Hadelman, this article titled “Gay rights, patient rights: The implications of sexual orientation conversion therapy,” provides evidence of my opinion.
Additionally, I refute the notion that humans are born in the world as wretched, evil sinners. In a video made by Brenda Marie Davies, titled, “When I tell You This Changed My Life: 7 Principles of Love / Fear Polarity,” she talked about how humans are born with the love of Christ within them, and that trauma and fear developed over time in us is what leads to the brokenness conceptualize as sin; this can be referred to the “fall of man” or “original sin” as outlined with the Adam and Eve narrative of Genesis. All of the dogma surrounding sin is also something I have great trouble following and believing within my mind and heart. There is a fine line between making mistakes that are bad for one’s soul versus being indoctrinated into thinking you as a person are fundamentally flawed. Simply put, that belief about feelings resembles nothing of love, and certainly nothing like the Love of Jesus Christ. Those particular beliefs bring about anxiety, insecurity, shame, and fear. The thing is, Jesus does not want me nor any human to be living with such a mindset. Perhaps, if these words find you, you can at least understand them. I ask not for agreement but only for understanding that comes from a place of deep-seated compassion—just as Jesus Christ would hope for a Christian to have.
Once again, I am very thankful I went to Salt Company on February 9th, and going forward, I hope to attend as often as I can. The worship music they play is also very beautiful and I find myself getting completely taken away by their lyrics. I have also been participating in a class called Gospel 101 with the Salt Company ministry and it is so wonderful to have the chance to get to understand the Gospel in a deeper way in exploration of how the life of Jesus is documented in every part of the Bible, including the Old and New Testaments.
Again I will say: “God, if this is not from You—take this away.” ✞
—Essay by Samantha Fuchsgruber
Date // 10. March 2023
@LockheartArdenPublishing
