Hope for the New Year
In this post, I express my love for God and how that connects to my hope for the upcoming new year.
Attempting to write this essay has been so challenging.
That is because 2024 was simultaneously the most difficult and the most beautiful year of my entire life.
And it makes sense I’m struggling to put my thoughts together… because how do you articulate such a complex range of experiences in such a short post? Even those who are close to me can never fully understand what my life has been like through my eyes. I guess that is the simple truth of being a human: whilst people know many glimpses of light from us, I like to believe that our souls are fleeting infinities; in other words, humans are profound mysteries of radiance that glow far beyond the little flickers that you can see of them. 💫✨✞
In sharing about my 2024, I’ll start by admitting that I was living in sin for almost the entirety of the year. I told lies to people who love me the most, and I was deeply imperfect in a lot of other ways. I sought after temporary things with the hope that they would fulfill me. I graduated from St. Thomas to pursue a Master’s program, but this meant that I had to move away from my wonderful community of friends who cared for me deeply. In the summer after leaving college, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (type I) and a generalized anxiety disorder. Someone from my past became a very dangerous idol in my heart, in the place where God should have been. I turned against my family many times. I constantly doubted my faith in the Catholic Church—so much so that I wanted to leave it entirely, and I nearly did so permanently.
However, there has been so much beauty amidst all of these trials. Though I was living in sin for so long, God’s grace was always working in my heart—and He has led me to where I am right now. He has beautifully delivered me from the sin that I was living in, and He removed the dangerous idol from my heart. I have firmly resolved to be fully honest with people who love me. My long-distance friendships are a source of meaning in my life, even though I had to leave St. Thomas. I have connected with new friends who have added beautiful color to my life. In terms of my questioning, I no longer doubt my Catholic faith; God’s grace is sufficient enough for me to believe. My prayer life has been renewed since I’ve begun reading my Bible more and journaling to God. Holy Mary, our guiding Star, has been reaching out to me from Heaven. I have been seeing such a wonderful therapist who has helped me navigate my mental illnesses. My Counseling program has been a constant source of purpose for my future career. My family and wonderful sister, Makayla, have endlessly loved me throughout all of my darkest nights. 🌌
In all of what I have experienced, God has entirely taken over my soul. When I am with Him, I am my most full and true self. Whether I am in the valleys of doubt and sorrow, or in the heights of His love and glory—He has loved me, He has loved me, and He has loved me even more. The joy that His love brings me is unlike anything I’ve ever known. Trying to express this joy to my family and friends is, unfortunately, an almost impossible task. I will try, try, and try, but sharing the love of Christ is something that is so challenging to do in this fallen world. The truth is that our wills are bent and our intellects are dimmed, as a result of the fall. But instead of letting this bring me frustration, I remind myself of the very truth I started this essay with: “...I guess that is the simple truth of being a human: whilst people know many glimpses of light from us, our souls are like fleeting infinities; in other words, humans are profound mysteries of radiance that glow far beyond the little flickers that you can see of them.”
Because I love God so deeply, I see Him everywhere… and it nearly makes me cry when I think about it. I truly do wish everyone could possess this same joy. I look in the mirror at my eyes, and I see little galaxies. My sister tells me that she loves me, and my heart skips a beat. Tears fall from my eyes, and I am met with the ocean. My eyes travel to the veins in my wrists, and lightning strikes me. Various imperfections dot my face, and I think of the moon. I stand up straighter when I listen to God’s voice, and I am reminded of majestic mountain peaks. My loved ones express their care for me, and a beautiful supernova collapses in front of me.
While I want other people to find the same joy in God that I have found, I think things will be better if I am just… me: a fleeting infinity, living her life in the way she feels is best. I will walk beside many other fleeting infinities, because they are just living their life in the ways that they feel are best. And there is inherent beauty within all individuals, no matter what they explicitly believe. Everyone has a story to tell, and God gives life to all people for His greater purposes. ✨💫
I think that theologian Dr. David Bennett put this best when he wrote this in a recent post on social media: “Happy new year to all friends and new friends following along here. I am grateful for each one of you and the gift of the rich fabric of those seeking to live faithfully, whatever their beliefs or worldview. I’m looking forward to following along in our common human pilgrimage this year, and sharing the love that orders and guides mine in Jesus… ready for the next year confident that the God who is love will weave his marvelous grace in glory and truth. Wishing you all the best year possible and praying for a mighty outpouring of his grace from our source, our origin: the Father, and the eternal Word through whom we and the whole cosmos were crafted and fashioned, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, our closest breath and deepest lover and friend.” I simply could not think of a better way to express the very thoughts that I am trying to express, so I hope you appreciate his words as much as I did.
So, at the end of the day, I know that 2025 will surely bring me even more trials and beautiful moments… but because of how faithful God has been to me in my life, I have so much hope for what is to come. My deepest prayer, as of right now, is that He allows me to love Him from this side of heaven until I am old and gray. I want to show this world that you do not need to die to experience heaven, so long as you are brave enough to take the leap and believe in things that go beyond all you have ever known. ♥️✞
—Essay by Samantha Fuchsgruber
Date // 01. January 2025
@LockheartArdenPublishing
