My Journey to Christian Agnosticism
In this post, I document my recent philosophical and theological journey into Christian Agnosticism. It has been a fulfilling experience full of depth and sincere critical thinking.
Getting closer to the truth of life whilst living in a very human, imperfect way has been quite a wonder. The way in which we learn about the world happens gradually, but it also happens in very small, defining moments that truly shake us. Every day is a chance to learn something new and craft new ideas that can be applied to all areas of our lives.
My former professor Father Brain Zuelke, O.P.—priest friar of the Order of Preachers (Dominicans)—taught a theology course I took at my university in the Spring of 2022 titled, “Bridges: Christianity and Science.” This course my entire religious and intellectual journey, which is the foundation of this entire essay. From there, I have been independently studying and engaging with the following material because of the background knowledge I learned in that class. It is very fitting that Father Brian is a Catholic priest. There is no doubt that he is literally out here doing God’s work. Not only was this “Bridges” course challenging and highly engaging because of its content, but he also gave me the tools to think critically in a way I never would have done without that course. I can not thank him enough for that. He is not just a professor or a teacher. Father Brian is a philosopher himself.
How does this apply to my life? I have identified as a Christian for all of my life. Despite that, I was very bitter during my early high school years. I viewed God as a joke and religion as a business. I did not start taking my faith seriously until I was seventeen, with various variations between different sets of beliefs. I am only nineteen now yet so much has changed with what I have been learning within the last six months. With all of that new knowledge, I have come to the intuitive realization that I am an agnostic Christian. This means that I believe in God but I can not claim to know He exists. As I said, I am a very imperfect person. I’ve been angry at God, I’ve been indifferent towards God, and I’ve been mesmerized by God. I get upset so easily about small things, demonstrating a lack of common sense on my part. There have been times when I have needed to use Google Maps to successfully make it to the grocery store. And yes, since you asked, the grocery store is only about seven minutes from my house.
Despite my lapses in common sense, I can still think about profound concepts that have truly helped shape the most important aspects of my life—markedly, my outlook on religion. This specific video (from CosmicSkeptic) is absolutely brilliant and phenomenal in every way. Alex O'Connor, Cameron Bertuzzi, Joseph Schmid, and Trent Horn are so brilliant and my respect for them is so high; along with the other channels I listed. They possess an intellect I aspire to obtain. It is thus no surprise that they bear similarity to Father Brian Zuelke.
This recent journey of mine into Christian Agnosticism was not planned. It ended up happening when I began exploring dimensions of philosophy that I had previously ignored out of the fear of my faith—faith, in a seemingly omnipotent Being—being threatened. Yet quite the opposite has happened. This transition has been very fulfilling, spiritual, and rational. Various and diverse creators such as CosmicSkeptic, Genetically Modified Skeptic, Majesty of Reason, Pints with Aquinas, TheraminTrees, DrCraigVideos, ReasonableFaith.org, and Closer to Truth have all been wholly instrumental in my introspection, changes of thought, and understanding of religion altogether. Unlike what you may have been led to believe, questioning your beliefs and thinking critically opens the door for so much thought, contemplation, and in-depth philosophy. Questioning does not indicate the presence of sin, the devil, or evil as I once believed.
Questioning dismantles fear. Interesting right? The Holy Bible is rather clear on the position of fear. “So do not fear; for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” –Isaiah 41:10.
I am an agnostic Christian because I will continue to live my life in a way that shows love for God and Jesus Christ, yet there is no way I can know for certain that God exists, or if Jesus Christ actually was resurrected. I have accepted both realities; one where God exists and one where He does not. Both realities still contain immense beauty, value, and aspects of ethical morality. Religion is not inherently good and atheism is not inherently bad, and vice versa. This black-and-white form of thinking is one I will continue to scrutinize because I understand that axiomatic truth does exist somewhere within a grey area. It will now be a priority of mine to delve into spirituality, philosophy, and religion more than it has ever been. I will probably never be a philosopher, but learning about it has brought so much value into my life. And as I have said, this entire process has been rewarding and fulfilling more than I can express. My deeply held conviction with God (albeit agnostic) would not be what it is without reason. Despite all of this introspection, it has also never been so clear to me that my knowledge is so immensely limited. It’s rather true that learning brings about power. Yet because of the seemingly infinite questions one could as about God, the problem of suffering, existence, and the universe, learning can only go so far. Actually engaging in contemplative, rational thought on a regular basis can change one’s way of thinking—not simply the multitude of facts they might possess.
To conclude, because I feel and believe so strongly about my newfound discovery of Christian Agnosticism, my appreciation for everything in this worldly life has never been so strong. My belief in God has also never been so vehemently present within my mind and soul, along with the promise of a heavenly afterlife. It is ultimately impossible for me to make a definitive claim to knowledge in either direction—atheism, or full-on religious belief.
Cheers. Thank you for your time. Here is to the love of knowledge and lifelong learning. Before I go back to contemplating the universe, hopefully, I can develop basic common sense, and skills applicable to the real world.
Lastly, here is an excellent article on this subject matter as well: The Case for Agnostic Christianity ♥️
—Essay by Samantha Fuchsgruber
Date // 29. August 2022
@LockheartArdenPublishing
