Religion itself is very complex. In this article, I hope to show you that it is possible to have a healthy relationship with God in a non-fundamentalist way, and show that Christianity can be very beautiful.

Everyone practices their faith in Jesus differently, and here I would like to plant the seed in your mind of a more renewed way of viewing religion, but most importantly your relationship with God. It is extremely important for me, and anyone reading this, to know and remember the value spirituality can have in our lives. Unfortunately, this has been tainted by misleading messages from both Christians and atheists alike.

On one end—there is Christian fundamentalism, and on the other end—there is full-blown atheism without any allowance for spirituality. Christian fundamentalism can be detrimental to the mental health of Christians as it focuses strongly on rules, strict obedience, and a lack of individual expression. I do not like how thoughts are evaluated and then labelled as “sinful” or “pure.” It can lead people to commit a form of Thoughtcrime against themselves in a lot of ways. If you have read 1984 by George Orwell, you will find that Thoughtcrime is a way the citizens of Oceania are controlled by essentially being forced to brainwash themselves whenever the government determines specific information is no longer “true.” In essence, this can equally be considered a form of self-gaslighting. Christianity can claim nearly anything as sinful depending on which denomination you are looking at. In the LDS church, it is a sin to consume caffeine. In others, that isn’t the case. See, there needs to be context. Not all actions are sinful. Sometimes you are just being a human being. This level of perfection is unhealthy and I have experienced it firsthand before. I’m just not going to believe it anymore. I am a child of God, and that’s it. I'm an imperfect human with flaws. God loves me incomprehensibly, and I love God too. I don't know why I am here but I am trying my best; I think we all are trying our best. It is highly toxic to engage in such black-and-white thinking within Christianity, as far as purity and sin are concerned. 💖

On the side of atheism, people can sometimes be shamed for holding Christian values. They might assert God is not real in an offensive manner, or atheists might assert that if someone is Christian, then they support evil concepts such as slavery, oppression, and the exploitation of women. This is highly untrue, and I want to change people’s perceptions of what it means to be a Christian. Firstly, I must admit that I have never read the Bible all of the way through. At almost 800,000 words, it is a very difficult and long read, and sometimes when I read it can be hard to feel God’s presence. Yes…can you believe it… a Christian admits that she struggles to feel God? Well, that is more likely than you might think. Even if I did read the Holy Bible all the way though, I would not take it literally. Concepts such as slavery and murder were allowed in the Bible and that is not okay—ever. However, some fundamentalist Christians make excuses as to why such horrific acts were tolerated, especially in the Old Testament. I really can not blame some atheists for their anti-religion stance. Sure, society is inherently violent, but that is a sad excuse as to why a loving God would command His people to commit such atrocious acts. I could never once justify those acts, because I do not believe that the God I know and the God I follow with all of my heart is just, loving, and all-powerful. Living life an atheist, therefore, would not be fulfilling. Completely abandoning my spirituality would be detrimental to my mental health in the same way that embracing fundamentalism would be detrimental.

I want to end up somewhere in the middle of these two categories in an attempt to change the harmful narratives surrounding both binaries of spiritual thinking. For me, I have found God at the lowest points in my life, when I am broken, defeated, and feeling horribly alone. He has pulled me out of my mess and I could feel Him loving me the most when I am at my darkest. When I am sad, angry, irritated, and simply pissed off about the suffering I have experienced—both large and small—I am reminded of God and His love for me and everything starts to slowly feel better, even when I was convinced I would remain in that place forever. If you are reading this, maybe you are an atheist or maybe you’re a Christian. Whichever you are, I encourage you to truly evaluate whatever it is you believe and why you believe it. I have every reason to not believe in God, but something always pulls me back to Him. I can understand if you have a different experience, and that is perfectly okay too. 

If you ever change your mind, I hope you might return to this article and know that a healthy relationship with God in the realm of Christianity is not only a mere possibility for you. It can be a reality. And it might just change your life. 🥰

—Essay by Samantha Fuchsgruber 

Date // 18. March 2022

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